What Men Don’t Want… Who Likes To Moan?

I’ve been struggling through a bad relationship and I learnt a few things through psychology about what men don’t want. I found that in this relationship I’d given in so much to make my man happy that I’d lost a lot of my friends, my social life, my self esteem and drive. How did it get to this?

I read a few articles and a book called “Why Men Love Bitches” and I found that it described a bitch as an independent woman who thinks for herself. For women who watch Sex And The City, the book describes a bitch as being something I saw like Samantha. Men may not say they want a bitch, but they do. So what don’t men want but we believe they do?

Men don’t want a passive woman who gives in to every demand.

Men like the challenge of the chase, the hunt, and the kill. Their inherent instinct makes them determined to achieve the goal if they think it’s worth it. If they like you enough they will hunt you down. Once they have you they will want to feel as though there is still something to chase. So do not give in to his every demand. Never drop what you are doing to be with him if he wants to make last minute plans. Don’t be passive and say “I’ll have whatever your eating”, “let’s do what you want to do”. Remain strong, know what you like and get him to do what you like. Once you give in to him you create an expectation to do it all the time so he will think you are a doormat and lose respect for you.

Men don’t want a mother.

Nagging. We all hear men say the word, even if you ask them to pop the milk in the fridge and then have to repeat yourself because it’s starting to curdle. Men have mothers and when they were teenagers they retaliated against them. When you ask them to do something they follow the same pattern. I’m not saying don’t ask them to do something but if they fail to do it then be the bitch and do it yourself. The key is when he asks you to do something, do it like he would. Follow his style. It will frustrate him but it will also retain your respect.

Men don’t want a warden.

“You said you’d be back for 8pm and its now 11pm. Where have you been? I was worried, why didn’t you call?” I have heard so many women say this. So many women expect their men to think as they would; To be respectful and courteous. Truth is most men aren’t. They rebel to retain their so called freedom and they will continue to push and push rather than negotiate. Why? Because they will feel pressured by their friends to be a “man” and they will soon tire of being around you all the time and need a break. You go out and do your own thing. Retain your friendships and go enjoy yourself. Come back when you are ready and if he calls asking where you are, do not feel obliged to answer straight away. If you show you come home when he does, then again you prove yourself to be a doormat.

I’m reading more into these areas and the psychology behind it and most evidence suggests it lies in the pressures from friendships, the idea of freedom, the chase and the upbringing.  A great example of the chase I remember is:

Imagine a male going out on the hunt, camping for two days in a small confined space. Barely able to move and feeling the grit under his feet. He sees his prey and stalks it before chasing it and completing the kill. How rewarding for him to have accomplished such a task. Now imagine you bring that dead deer to his door. Could even be the one he has killed. You’ve made it easy for him, there is no chase. Would you want a dead deer at your door? No, it was always about the chase.

Women do not like games, but men are made to play them. To be happy in your relationship, retain your self esteem and lead a fulfilled life, you should try playing the bitch. The bitch is nice but determined and only compromises when it is fair. She is not passive, she retains her independence and she damn well makes sure that her love doesn’t control her. She is in control and won’t be manipulated or disrespected. Never let the man push you to become something you’re not. After all that’s not what he chased so why would he like it?

  1. OG said:

    The relationship game is one that both sides think that they understand – so they play it. Then realise after, that neither saw what the other saw/was looking for. This isn’t just a gender divide, this is a personal divide that depends as much on upbringing and friends as it does on genetics. There usually does seem to be certain traits that are more prevalent in men than in women, and visa-versa, but often times these traits are there in every person, so following a set course or practice (a “recipe” if you will) never works.

    The bottom line is that nothing is ever set in stone, nothing is ever black and white. Control is an illusion that both partners gain at some point, and also lose. It’s not about being a bitch, or being “the man” or any other slogan that I could think of to add – its about communication, listening and compromise. Both sides will have things they believe are right, both sides will agree to let their beliefs slide on some aspects, and not on others. It all comes down to how much you are willing to let change of yourself, and whether what the other person wants to change, will change the person you are.

    A bitch I would define as someone who is purely out for theirself, will step on others whenever it can benefit them, and only has their own interests to heart. Personally, I don’t think anyone but people of the lowest self-deprecating sort would be truly attracted and like that kind of person.

    Finding the middle ground between compromise, and control is inevitably the task that both parties of a relationship should strive to achieve. For some this can be done quite successfully, and the relationship can go smoothly, for others there is a constant changing of values with under and over-compensation for control on both sides.

    In contrast to the headings also in the article, I would state the following:

    Women don’t want a passive man who will give into every demand

    Women don’t want a father

    Women don’t want a warden.

    Both three phrases can be equally applied, emphasising the fact that these characteristics can be present in both men and women, and that it is the balancing of them by both the man and the woman that makes a relationship work.

  2. dare i leave a comment Leena with 5 likes all from women haha

    • haha well the last comment was by a male so you ought to have the “balls” (haha) to add it it too :p hehehe

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