I’ve been struggling through a bad relationship and I learnt a few things through psychology about what men don’t want. I found that in this relationship I’d given in so much to make my man happy that I’d lost a lot of my friends, my social life, my self esteem and drive. How did it get to this?
I read a few articles and a book called “Why Men Love Bitches” and I found that it described a bitch as an independent woman who thinks for herself. For women who watch Sex And The City, the book describes a bitch as being something I saw like Samantha. Men may not say they want a bitch, but they do. So what don’t men want but we believe they do?
Men don’t want a passive woman who gives in to every demand.
Men like the challenge of the chase, the hunt, and the kill. Their inherent instinct makes them determined to achieve the goal if they think it’s worth it. If they like you enough they will hunt you down. Once they have you they will want to feel as though there is still something to chase. So do not give in to his every demand. Never drop what you are doing to be with him if he wants to make last minute plans. Don’t be passive and say “I’ll have whatever your eating”, “let’s do what you want to do”. Remain strong, know what you like and get him to do what you like. Once you give in to him you create an expectation to do it all the time so he will think you are a doormat and lose respect for you.
Men don’t want a mother.
Nagging. We all hear men say the word, even if you ask them to pop the milk in the fridge and then have to repeat yourself because it’s starting to curdle. Men have mothers and when they were teenagers they retaliated against them. When you ask them to do something they follow the same pattern. I’m not saying don’t ask them to do something but if they fail to do it then be the bitch and do it yourself. The key is when he asks you to do something, do it like he would. Follow his style. It will frustrate him but it will also retain your respect.
Men don’t want a warden.
“You said you’d be back for 8pm and its now 11pm. Where have you been? I was worried, why didn’t you call?” I have heard so many women say this. So many women expect their men to think as they would; To be respectful and courteous. Truth is most men aren’t. They rebel to retain their so called freedom and they will continue to push and push rather than negotiate. Why? Because they will feel pressured by their friends to be a “man” and they will soon tire of being around you all the time and need a break. You go out and do your own thing. Retain your friendships and go enjoy yourself. Come back when you are ready and if he calls asking where you are, do not feel obliged to answer straight away. If you show you come home when he does, then again you prove yourself to be a doormat.
I’m reading more into these areas and the psychology behind it and most evidence suggests it lies in the pressures from friendships, the idea of freedom, the chase and the upbringing. A great example of the chase I remember is:
Imagine a male going out on the hunt, camping for two days in a small confined space. Barely able to move and feeling the grit under his feet. He sees his prey and stalks it before chasing it and completing the kill. How rewarding for him to have accomplished such a task. Now imagine you bring that dead deer to his door. Could even be the one he has killed. You’ve made it easy for him, there is no chase. Would you want a dead deer at your door? No, it was always about the chase.
Women do not like games, but men are made to play them. To be happy in your relationship, retain your self esteem and lead a fulfilled life, you should try playing the bitch. The bitch is nice but determined and only compromises when it is fair. She is not passive, she retains her independence and she damn well makes sure that her love doesn’t control her. She is in control and won’t be manipulated or disrespected. Never let the man push you to become something you’re not. After all that’s not what he chased so why would he like it?